Closure?
“Been down one time, been down two times, never goin’ back again.” Fleetwood Mac
About 2 years ago, I was given an amazing opportunity to have a work/life redo. It involved returning to a small town in Michigan to provide a training and included re-connecting with many fine people from my past. While I am a proponent of ending relationships well (at least on my part) there was one relationship from this time and place that had ended in messy, murky weeds. Said relationship involved hiring an attorney to issue an eviction, police contact as well as eventual involvement from the FBI. Let’s suffice it to say it ended UGLY and stayed UGLY and CREEPY for a long time.
On my end, I had done all of the textbook things suggested to gain personal CLOSURE on this relationship.
I cut off all contact from this person, despite the fact that he worked hard at baiting me.
I processed through my thoughts and feelings with good friends. Ugly crying included.
I allowed myself the time and space to experience a myriad of thoughts and feelings
I Identified the role I played in the demise of the relationship, over and over and over.
Took 100% responsibility for my life, feelings and actions moving forward.
All in all, I believed I had moved ahead with my life and learned some valuable life/love lessons.
It was a gorgeous day in Michigan. I had completed the first day of a two-day training I was in Michigan to provide and decided to treat myself to a dinner at a great restaurant just outside of town. I was peaceful, satisfied and excited for next training day. I felt like the universe was smiling on me for doing my best to complete an unfinished circle of time.
The hostess was escorting me to a lovely outside table when I saw HIM (messy ending dude) (insert sound of needle scratching across record. WTF?) He spotted me at the same moment and smirked. I physically made it to my table as my brain went into lizard mode. How could this even happen? Did he somehow know I would be here? Geeze, I didn’t even know I would be here? What fresh hell was in store for me.? How could I get out of here?
Once my brain started to unfreeze and I realized that escape was not the ONLY alternative, I began to wonder if this was yet another opportunity for me to complete an unfinished circle. Hmmmmmm. I began to mentally rehearse ways to address him. I wanted to speak from a place of personal power and certainty yet also be empathic. I decided to do a walk by to the loo to a.) make sure it was him. b.) bolster my courage. His leer and nod as I headed to the bathroom confirmed everything I needed to know.
My in-stall internal convo went like this “Now Laurie, this really is an opportunity to put this to rest, to create closure, to speak your truth. You are in a public place, you are a bad-ass most of the time, you can do this.” I took a deep breath and walked to his table. “Hey” I said as I stood by his chair. “Well, hey” he returned with a sneer. I took a deep breath and continued “I saw you sitting here and thought it might be good to have a conversation.” “Sure” he said. Dang this is going well.
He moved his stuff to my table and I told him I was glad we were both open to taking this chance. He stated that he agreed. I asked him if he knew why I was in town (he had worked at the place I was conducting the training) and he said he had no idea. I told him the reason for the trip to Michigan. He was very kind and encouraging. I asked him if he was retired and he looked puzzled. “Nooooo” he tentatively replied. Then the clincher, “Ummmm I don’t think I am who you think I am.” Again, inset sound of needle scratching of record…..
In typical Laurie fashion, I did not believe him. My mind created a story around how this was one more version of a mind fuck for him. I asked to see his drivers license. Kindly he honored this request. Totally and irrefutably not THE messy ending dude. He said he had noticed me on my way into the restaurant because I looked really happy, so he smiled at me and smiled again as I went to the loo. We chatted and laughing about my version of the story vs his (he thought I was trying to hit on him:-) and both agreed that this encounter should count as closure.
Over a year later, I continue to smile every time I think about my version of closure. It wasn’t contingent AT ALL on the creepy dude doing or saying anything or even being present. As the good witch Glinda (from the Wizard of Oz) so succinctly stated, I had the power all along.