Myths and Misunderstandings about Psychotherapy
She says, “Look, you come here every week, with jigsaw pieces of your past
It’s all on little sound bytes and voices out of photographs. And that’s all yours, that’s the guide, that’s the map, so tell me, where does the arrow point to?
“Who invented roses?”
“People who go to therapy are____________________ .“ (Fill in the blank with any term that discounts the courage and strength it actually takes to come to and work in therapy.) The people I see are brave and strong. They hurting and want to do, feel and be better. I worry more about those who pretend to have it all together and believe they know all the answers.
“Do I just lay on the couch and talk?“ While I do have a couch in my office, I don’t expect you to lie on it. Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis was revolutionary for the time but these days most therapists don’t use free association or analysis. Helpful therapy is directive, strengths focused and skill based.
“Therapists have perfect lives. They have it all figured out and know the answers.” Therapists are flawed, vulnerable human beings just like everyone else. My life is full of ups and downs, joy and sadness, just like yours (and every other person on the planet.) Perfect is unattainable and perpetuates both anxiety and depression. I see my role as asking the questions that will lead you to find your own answers, not prescribing my own.
“Therapy takes a long time and costs a lot of money.” Therapy is an investment in YOU from the inside out. I have always found it curious that we freely spend money on external short-term fixes. However, we hesitate and hedge when it comes to investing in a process that includes learning and strategies that can help you the rest of your life. Most insurance’s do cover a percentage of the cost of therapy. Therapy takes as long as YOU decide. I provide empathy, perspective, strategies and skills, but I can’t do the work for you (I DO however use the same strategies and skills myself, everyday.) I find that on average I see people between 12-20 sessions.
“Why should I pay a therapist when I can just talk to a friend? “ Talking to a friend is the first step in moving forward. I do the same. While our friends have life experience, care about us and are well intended, as a therapist, I have specialized science-based training in the skills and strategies that help you cope. I have perspective that friends may be too close to see and can be both kind AND direct.
“Why don’t I just take a pill instead of go to a therapist?” A lot of people do! Psychopharmacology has come far and helps relieve the suffering of many. However, medication for depression and anxiety is a cosmetic fix. In other words, the medication will mask the symptoms but when you stop taking it, your symptoms will reoccur. Therapy helps you learn and internalize the skills to cope, do and feel better. For anxiety and depression both medication and evidence-based therapy are the gold standard.
“Therapists are just in it for the money, they don’t really care.” This myth makes me laugh out loud. I worked in the business world for 15 years. I made waaaayyyyyyy more money than I do now, but the work didn’t fill me with purpose and meaning. I walked away from that world (on a wing and a prayer) and eventually found my calling and my self. Now, I am passionate about my field, excited to go to the office and genuinely care about those who allow me into their lives. For the vast majority of therapists, caring about and for others is WHY they pursued this career.
“I should always feel good after my therapy session.” While there should be times you feel great after therapy, there will be other times you may leave therapy feeling more contemplative or frustrated. Learning (like life) is a process that challenges us to think and act in ways that are unfamiliar. This can evoke a broad range of emotions. While I consistently strive to provide a kind, safe, strengths-based environment, I recognize I cannot control the way others interpret my approach and/or words.
“My therapist should always be there for me and take extra time in my session if I need it.” Consider that therapists have their own life stressors and must (if they want to continue working in this field) create a life balance for themselves complete with personal boundaries and limits. If you are in an emergency situation always call 911 as a means of keeping yourself safe. Most therapists have little to no extra time between sessions. Typically this time is necessary to complete forms and paperwork for billing, taking a bathroom break, having lunch or mentally recalibrating between sessions. If you have an important matter to discuss address it in the beginning of the session to allow ample time to talk it through.