“Am I wrong for thinking out the box from where I stay? Am I wrong for saying that I choose another way? I ain’t tryna do what everybody else doing, just cause everybody doing what they all do. If one thing I know, I’ll fall but I’ll grow. I’m walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home.”

– Nico and Vince

We have four options when faced with any challenge or painful situation

Solve the problem
Change your perspective
Radically Accept the situation
Stay stuck

The following is an example of my 11-hour journey through all four (and back again.)

A few weeks ago I agreed to host the entrée portion of our neighborhood progressive dinner. When I made the commitment, 7 people had registered to attend. I would prepare gourmet Mac and Cheese and Tomato Soup. I’m a casual, laid back hostess. Food and adult beverages are self-serve. I use only the best paper plates, bowls and plastic ware for easy, no fuss cleanup. What a simple, easy, fun meal to make and great way to meet new people. I’ve got this.

Countdown Mac and Cheese: the weekend before the dinner: The head count of attendees had grown to 33. A dear friend and neighbor offered to host ½ of the entrée crowd at her home. I’d supply Mac and cheese and soup. She would provide a salad (yay!) A frenzy of progressive dinner emails began midweek. Talk of linen napkins, floral arrangements, serving pieces, moving furniture and renting tables to accommodate the growing group ignited my “not good enough” belief. I acknowledged this well-worn, limiting bully in my mind and shoo her away with a rolling pin. I mentally shifted back to “I’ve got this” perspective.

Countdown Mac and Cheese: five days to event, we received an invite to an important event for my husband, on the same day, same time as our progressive dinner. Yoram said he would send our regrets. We discussed the invite at length and agreed HE would attend the new event. I’d handle the progressive dinner. Although sad that my husband (and bestie) wouldn’t be by my side, I radically accepted “it is what it is” and was confidant that divide and conquer was our optimum solution. I’ve still got this. (gulp!)

Countdown Mac and Cheese: day before event. I’d planned to shop for my provisions the night before the progressive dinner. My shopping lists were adjusted to 35 servings. I had a cooking timeline. I arrived home to my husband sick in bed. I prioritized tending to him. I could shop early the next day. I’ve still kinda got this……. hopefully…hey I’m a ½ full kinda gal.

Countdown Mac and Cheese: Day of Progressive Dinner

7:00 am: awake and excited!!!!!!!

9:30: Arrive at Costco

10:30: Provisions secured. I probably over-bought but I’d rather have too much than not enough.

11:00: Arrive home. Discovered my husband (Yoram) had thrown out the bread I’d reserved to make breadcrumbs for Mac and cheese.

11:07: Problem-solved bread issue with Yoram. Ummmm, I’ve got this!?

11:29: Phat Phunktion on the hifi (music always helps me get into the groove of cooking) I’ve got this AND I’m dancing…..what could be better?

11:30: I’ve GOT THIS!!!!!

1:00: Bacon on stove burns to a blacked, stinky, gooey mess. Cannot see through the smoke. We open all windows and turn on the ceiling fans. Oh well it was just one batch. I bought extra.

1:10: Discover brother cat neck deep in uncooked chopped bacon. Geeze, REALLY good thing I have extra.

1:45: Realize I do not have enough pots to cook pasta and soup. Problem solve by calling friends who come to my rescue. My friend Lori even brings me a bag of my favorite disgusting candy (circus peanuts…yippee!!!!)

2:00: First mini meltdown after I burn my hand on the handle of the pasta pot. I whimper, then problem solve by having Yoram take Debbie, my wing gal for ½ of the entrée crowd, her pot of soup.

2:10: Yoram comes back with ½ the pot of soup…..WTF???? I radically accept that I was not clear with my request. He heads back to Debbie’s with ½ the soup.

3:00: Second meltdown as I begin to focus on everything that still needs to be done. The bully voice in my head screams ”I do NOT F’ing HAVE THIS!!!!!!!” My mind races into full frontal catastrophize mode. “The Mac and cheese sucks, what was I thinking, why did I ever agree to do this, I’ll NEVER host anything again!!!” I’m pissed at everything and everyone. Even the music pisses me off. Ah Ha…Circus Peanuts to the rescue!!!!!

3:30: Sugar buzz plus a feeling of impending doom exacerbates my whimper to shoulder shaking sobs. My husband goes into “practice what I preach” mode……grrrrrr. I throw him a look that causes him to back away slowly, like he would if I were a rabid dog. I soooooooooooooo don’t have this. I’m stuck in my own misery mode.

3:35: Tears dried, perspective shift to “just get it “done and “I won’t enjoy it, but at least it will be over.”

4:15: Pasta is finally al dente. Our kitchen appears as if a pressure cooker exploded (which metaphorically it did.) We load the dishwasher for the 3rd time today.

5:00: Unbelievably everything is coming together (yay team loram!) The bully bitch in my mind begrudgingly takes a step back. Although she whispers that a STRONGER more COMPETENT version of myself would NEVER have fallen apart. I realize she is merely opportunistic in times of stress.

6:00: Showered and sporting my cutest boots, I attend the appetizer portion of the progressive dinner. I meet great neighbors, enjoy interesting conversations and savor excellent food. A nice glass of cab melts away the residue of the afternoon. The nasty “b” in my mind doesn’t make comparisons or dampen with my enjoyment of the moment.

7:50: What fun! Having fabulous neighbors in our home, appreciating the irreverence of Mac and cheese, I feel at good in my own skin, doing things my own quirky way. I have even met potential new friends!! What could be better?

10:00: Driving to meet up with my sweet husband at his event, where we laugh about the crazy events of the day and dance the night away. Yup, I’ve mostly got this.

Mac and Cheese for 33 (with a side of nasty “b”)