muggy
Reflecting on my childhood, a photo consistently comes to mind. My grandmother (Muggy) is engrossed watching me open a gift. Her expression radiates unfiltered wonder, love and happiness. It is the look of a woman wholly engaged in the beauty of the moment. This image captured both the wonderful simplicity and depth of being accepted and loved for WHO I was in the world.
Muggy (my nickname for her…not sure how or why I came up with thisJ) lived with our family in the home that had been passed down maternally for 3 generations. She was a passionate kindergarten teacher by profession but the numerous lessons I gleaned from her were predominately implicit. These seemingly innocuous, yet profound, memories have guided and shaped me along the twisty -turny roads of the journey that is my life.
An early, and in retrospect, life-altering, lesson I learned from Muggy was that people posses a depth and complexity of character that can only be observed and understood by direct, patient observation. I’m sure most people perceived her as a selfless, softhearted, generous educator and relief parent for my mom and dad when they were in dire need of a break. Physically, her fluffy white hair highlighted the mischievous twinkle in her blue eyes. She was a robust lady with the profound bosom of the female figurehead on the front of ships and always wore an array of Sarah Coventry bejeweled pins. She openly chowed an entire large Hershey bar every day and made me sublime milk –toast when I was sick.
In a secret world, that I was lucky to observe, Muggy never missed a Saturday installment of Big Time Wrestling with Bobo Brazil. On special occasions she could throw back a single shot of Southern Comfort like a sailor. Muggy was also queen of the silly and irreverent. She would wrangle up my brothers and I brandishing a cleaver and a gleam in her eye. The neighborhood kids instantly vanished, as we acted terrified and later laughed. We knew this was the same woman who would take us into the basement for a “spanking.” She would smack her hands together as she directed us to “yell like I’m beating you….I don’t have the heart to touch you kids.” Through her actions, she showed me how to prioritize kindness, time for play, to occasionally act crazy and perhaps most importantly, to avoid the tendency to take yourself or your life too seriously.
Muggy helped me develop my sense of wonder, curiosity and appreciation of beauty. She would produce the unexpected and eagerly watch our reactions. She brought home baby chicks one Easter. I recall a photo of the 2 chicks (Maude and Claude) dashing across the floor of our living room being pursued by my youngest brother, John. We all had a look of disbelief and joy in our eyes and smiles. She never faltered in her curiosity and wonder. Muggy started graduate school at age 63 and graduated at age 65. Hell yeah, she walked at commencement!
Despite her death, Muggy continues to surprise and delight me. I recently found a stash of love letters she and my grandpa exchanged over four decades. The feelings expressed were sweet, funny, beautiful and pure. She and my grandpa lived almost their entire married life in separate cities and saw each other maybe 1x per month. I’d choose to believe she was grinning ear -to-ear as she observed the range of emotion I experienced reading those long-past lovely words.
The lessons I learned from Muggy were implicitly embedded in the ways she lived her life day-to-day. Although she was validating, encouraging, trusting and accepting, I know what made a difference for me, was her openness and willingness to allow me “in.” I was able to delve beneath the obvious and glimpse a bit of the iceberg beneath the surface. As a result, I eventually developed my passion, interest and curiosity with how we all make sense and find meaning during our time on this lovely planet.
As a psychotherapist and more importantly, flawed, vulnerable human being, I aspire to leave a positive, healthy imprint on the people I see in my practice , as well as on friends and family. I use kindness, respect, and curiosity as my guiding principles and whenever it fits a healthy dose of the irreverent. During my clinical internship with an EAC, the big, scary, director called me into his office. My initial thoughts were of the “Oh Shit” variety. In his larger than life manner he stated that he had numerous reports from staff therapists that when they walked past my office, they heard laughter.
“What are you doing in there, Laurie? And why are YOU as a part-time intern getting requests for service? “
Me…..BIG GULP, more intense “oh shit” thoughts. Suddenly the frantic hamster wheel of my mind screeched to a halt and I realized:
“I’m being me, the me that evolved from my dear Muggy. Reveling in the quirky, kind, curious, silly, unexpected wonder of myself and those I worked with. I’m honoring the WHO of everyone that I see.”
Of course this was my internal conversation, as my mouth had dried to the point of needing the Jaws of Life to unseal my lips.
Seeing that I could not answer, he quickly said:
“Well, what ever it is, bottle that stuff! Not bad, Boussom”
For that moment, the twinkle and ear-to-ear grin was a secret shared between Muggy and me.