STAYING ON YOUR OWN MAT
I’m a baby Yogi in an old(er) body. I may never be able to do a handstand, yet I love to sweat (NOT glisten) in a 105-degree room practicing 26 poses. Yoga has strengthened my body and stretched my mind. I’ve gotten curious about how yoga teachers’ phrases resonate with the skills and strategies I use to help people cope with anxiety and stress. They have inspired me to explore different ways of thinking about core concepts in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectic Behavior Therapy and Acceptance Commitment Therapy, which are the three main evidence-based treatment modalities I use to help others and myself find strength, balance, peace and well being.
Over the next months, I will post some of these pearls of wisdom and explore how I think about and use them. They have helped me and I sure hope they help you find a bit of relief from the anxiety and stress of daily life.
STAY ON YOUR OWN MAT
In a world heavily influenced by social media, it is easy to fall into the trap of comparison. One of the first lessons I consistently heard in yoga class was “Stay on your own mat”. I’ve also heard it phrased as “Stay in your own lane” or even “You do You.” In a class of mostly 20-late 30 year olds, with super bendy bodies, paired with more life in front, rather than behind them, it is easy to feel discouraged and mindlessly gravitate to some version of the “not good enough” story.
As a therapist for over 25 years, intellectually, I know comparison does not serve me well. It keeps me from trying hard things and/or makes me give up too quickly. It amps up my stress and anxiety. It’s super hard to detach from this story once it digs a little worm hole into your brain. The following are ways I’ve found to STAY ON MY OWN MAT during yoga and beyond.
Focus your awareness in the moment. Feel your feet on the floor, scan your body for discomfort or pain, notice the temperature of the room, observe the sounds you hear outside of yourself and the chatter of your mind. This is referred to as “grounding yourself in the moment.” It is a fabulous life hack designed to move your body and mind away from comparative assumptions which increase stress and anxiety. Is it easy? NO, but not much worth having is easy.
Let all of the above “be”. Notice I didn’t say, “let it go.” I kinda think that’s B.S. and pretty impossible. Notice your physical and mental responses the way you would watch waves on the ocean or clouds in the sky, with wonder and a solid dash of curiosity. You don’t have to “DO” anything with these observations, just allow them a small amount of mental real estate. If you think of these thoughts and sensations as parts of the house in your mind, give them a space about the size of the power closet, not the entire place. Is it easy? NO, but not much worth having is easy.
Aim for progress not perfection. When we operate from a ‘fixed mindset” we believe we are either good at something or not. If we don’t see rapid results, we throw in the towel. We assume others are naturally talented, more flexible or better than we are. This limits us and solidifies the anxiety producing “never good enough” story. When we stay on our own mat, we begin to notice incremental changes that are moving us from where we are to where we aspire to be. Let’s get real, we don’t know how or what it took for others to get to their level of competency. Research shows that to gain mastery in a single area, it takes 10,000 hours of INTENTIONAL practice. Interesting that we think we should be able to do hard things the first time, given that little nugget, right? Is it easy? NO, but not much in life worth having is easy.
The key to STAYING ON YOUR OWN MAT is practice. Set micro goals and give yourself partial credit. Remember that lasting change takes time, work and commitment. You have done hard things before and will continue to push through challenges your entire lifetime. No, It’s not easy, but not much in life worth having is easy.