This blog originated as a result of the following assignment in my positive psychology course:

Write a letter to a friend explaining to him or her about the components of thriving relationships (hard work, knowing and being known, allowing for conflict, and positive focus). Elaborate on parts that you think are particularly important. The timing coincided perfectly with my wedding anniversary.

“When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are,

or what we’re doing. I’m with you, that’s all that matters.

Time passes much too quickly when we’re together laughing.

Only the beginning of what I want to feel forever.

Only the beginning. Only just the start.” Chicago Transit Authority

My Dearest Yoram,

“Beginnings” by Chicago Transit Authority was one of the first songs we listened to (on vinyl I discovered in you, a kindred musical spirit, despite the fact you are a melody guy and I’m all about the lyrics. The melding of my Maggie’s and your Just Be Loud’s produced sounds more beautiful than the sum of their woofers, tweeters and quasi-ribbon magnetic-panel technology. As a result of our melding, we too become bigger and brighter. On our anniversary, I pay tribute to the healthy qualities of La-rom that shape our sublime union (in musical form, with lyrics included, just for you.)

Above all, In this house there’s Love. (Boxing Gandhi’s) Everlasting love is our aim. This house is built on the solid foundation of friendship. We prioritize and enjoy time together. In this house, we honor Sacred Date Night, Bombay Sapphire Martinis, Breaking Bad, Sports Cars and “to sheet or not to sheet.” Yoram and Laurie’s most excellent adventures create our love map of memories and meaning. Planning and rehearsing the “destined to go viral” hip hop dance to It’s Getting Hot in Here (Nelly) for Karen’s wedding, keeps us young at heart and goofy.

We appreciate each others similarities and differences. Engineering has honed your mind to think logically, (When in doubt, make a spreadsheet.) My career as a psychotherapist has helped me appreciate the beauty and courage in us all, (When in doubt, buy cute boots…..YES, I realize this is NOT logical…that’s the point!) We get frustrated, even pissy, when we bump against each other’s contradictory beliefs. But, R-E-S-P-E-C-T isn’t merely a song by Aretha in this marriage. Problems and disagreements are discussed privately, not swept aside or triangulated. We apologize from the heart and don’t tally grudges. For us, fixing problems isn’t as important as understanding each other’s point of view.

Team us is grounded in deep trust. Out of sight never means out of mind. I know, even when thousands of miles away, you hold my heart tenderly. When considering future plans it is always we, not me. Cindi Lauper’s words, (Time after Time) If you’re lost you can look and you will find me, time after time. If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting, time after time mirror the turning toward each other in times of need. When something fabulous, horrible or epic occurs, we make time to be mentally present. We rejoice individual triumphs and ache each other’s struggles.

We nurture our hopes and dreams by observing and acknowledging strengths. We are secure enough in our relationship to be beautiful enemies, ( appropriately challenging each other.) We realize that proving our individual RIGHT means establishing the other as WRONG. Consequently, love and kindness often win over right. Individually and collectively we are happier and healthier due to our love and commitment. Earth Wind and Fire sing it best,

We’ve come together on this special day, to sing our message loud and clear. Looking back we’ve

touched on sorrowful days. Future pass, they disappear. You will find peace of mind.

If you look way down in your heart and soul, don’t hesitate ’cause the world seems cold.

Stay young at heart ’cause you’re never (never, never, ..) old at heart……Yaowwwwww!

Here are my love lessons learned (the hard way).

Perfect love is a myth. True love takes work, commitment and patience.
Friendship and mutual respect are at the core of lasting love.
Trust is a precious commodity and earned behaviorally, over time.
Lasting love stays open and genuine as a means of knowing and being known.
Healthy partners intentionally turn toward one another day after day.
Lasting love prioritize love over proving oneself RIGHT.
Healthy partners support each other and acknowledge strengths.
True love is the ultimate catalyst for growth and understanding.